Poetry by Janet

Angels In My Life

I collect angel figurines, and my favorites are babies and young children. My own children have been angels in my life, teaching me more than I ever taught them. My little angel statuettes that sit around my house comfort me and remind me of the angels that God has with me every moment, every day. It says in Psalms 91:11, "For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." What a blessing that is to me!

I began collecting my angels when an aunt gave me one of a cherub angel holding a toy. She gave it to me to commemorate my daughter’s death, and to remind me that she was now in the arms of Jesus, and would suffer no more. She lived a week past her eleventh birthday, enduring illnesses, disabilities and surgeries. I had no doubt by the time she died in my arms that I had truly been blessed to have been the mother of a true angel, in human form.

My angel child would never speak a word or walk unassisted and lived most of her life in a wheelchair. Yet she was full of love and smiles and had a hug for all of the people who had a connection with her. She inspired many people in her short life. I had made the unthinkable decision of institutionalizing her when she was about two years old, because I was mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted and needed some intense counseling to survive. The people who took care of her at the hospital did a wonderful job and many of them would stop and tell me how much they loved her, and that she was the reason some of them came to work.

One of the first times I realized that she was sent especially to me by God was following a surgery to remove something from her esophagus that she had swallowed. The surgeon came out to tell me how the procedure went and was carrying a clear bottle in his hand. Inside the bottle was the top of a lapel pin, with a dove painted on a rainbow, and on it were the words "Praise the Lord." Chills went up my spine as I realized the powerful message that He had entrusted me with this precious soul. I no longer felt that I was being punished, but was given a chance to see a different side of life, which although painful, has enabled me to understand myself and learn that God loves me and only wants the best for me.

It is my belief that our children are sent to us like brand-new angels, to teach us to change, grow and enjoy life. They are mirrors of our souls and our paths to the future. There is no promise at their birth of health or a long life, and each one born with no complications or deformities is a Divine miracle that stands alone. A miracle that most people take for granted until the opposite happens. I did.

Since I have collected so many angels, and I very much enjoy being around young children, I gave myself the nickname of Angel Keeper. I have it on my license plate and it’s my name on the Internet. It is important to me that people know that I believe in angels.

My faith in the God who sends the angels is the force that has enabled me to be healed from my deep depressions that have followed me throughout my life. Many times since I was a teenager, I had thoughts of wanting to die. My journey toward healing has been full of difficult times, some were seemingly too painful to deal with, yet God has given me the courage to pursue healing as actively as I can.

At the worst time in my life, engulfed in a horrible depression, which I now know, was a post-partum psychosis, I felt I was losing my mind. I cried out to God for help to come from somewhere, anywhere and very soon. Within hours, I was in the loving home of my parents, who stepped in and helped me as they always have, more than I felt I’d deserved. They have shown me the unconditional love and support that God created in them. The greatest gift they have ever given me, is the knowledge that God’s love binds and heals our wounds. What a priceless gift!

Recently, I had the opportunity of co-hosting with my brothers, the celebration of our parent’s 50^th Wedding Anniversary. It was a great day of friends, family, love and memories. For me it was a day of realization that I was much more healed than I could have imagined. My commitment to praying, going back into counseling with a well-trained psychologist and learning to live in the moment had paid off.

As the day progressed, I could feel my soul being lifted up. As waves of peace, contentment and joy soared through me, I felt free, new, and open to the love around me! I did not know that my heart could feel those feelings! I felt the assurance deep inside my soul, that my longstanding battle with depression had changed in an important way. I no longer saw myself as a permanently depressed person.

Since that day, more realizations have come to me. Now, more than ever, I feel that I must be an "Angel Keeper" using my love for children to share with them my faith and love of God. I love telling my young grandniece that Jesus chases nightmares away and that there are angels taking care of us every day. It is a privilege to be able to share my faith. –by Janet M. Marshall, September 25, 2002

The Marshall Five, August 31, 2002

Back row, left to right: David, Janet, Larry. Front row, Howard and Marge

Click the picture to enlarge it.